29 juin 2008

Mes années colleg (episode 15 )


Ainsi se déroulaient mes journées, entre panique de l’école et corvées à la maison.
Pour mon jeune âge, j’avais une force et une corpulence qui avait incité mon père à me demander de l’aider encore plus à la ferme. Un désir qui dans sa bouche équivalait à un ordre, de ceux que vous ne pouviez refuser.
J’abandonnais avec plaisir et sans rancune à ma mère, même avec un plaisir caché et jouissif, le ramassage des œufs, le nettoyage des lapins ou le sarclage du jardin. Elle n’appréciait ce legs, que de très mauvais cœur. Je me jetais sur le tracteur. Le plaisir de garder les moutons était devenu maintenant du passé.
Une promotion certes, mais passé le temps euphorique du changement, je n’allais pas tarder à le regretter, tant le travail était devenu pénible, et tant j’aurais aimé partager la vie normale, et semble t’il insouciante de mes copains du village.
Mon horizon de corvées venait subitement prendre de la hauteur, et de l’espace. Et surtout allait occuper mes dimanches et vacances pendant les 4 ou 5 années qui allaient suivre.
Dans ces conditions il ne pouvait en être autrement que ce qui m’attendait à la fin de l’année scolaire.
– Hierard moyenne générale sur l’année 9,13. Redoublement.
Je me souviens encore quelque 40 ans plus tard de ma moyenne au dixièmement prêt, tant ce chiffre me fit honte. Il est là, gravé dans le cœur, et dans la tête au fer rouge de ma flétrissure. Honte de redoubler et de risquer d’aller rejoindre les cancres là bas en bas de la classe, là où s’entassaient les oubliés et les cancres. Je redoutais aussi inconsciemment ce que l’on médisait des redoublants de ma classe.
J’allais moi aussi l’année prochaine subir les même quolibets des profs, et moqueries de mes concitoyens écoliers. De cela il n’en était pas question personne ne s’est encore moqué de « Patrick le chasseur de l’Atlas ».
J’aurais aimé que l’on me dise au moins que j’avais fais des grands efforts et que pour moi 9,13 ce n’était pas trop mal. Au moins j’avais échappé au ridicule. Je ne serai pas aiguillé vers les classes de « transitions ». Les classes de la honte, elles étaient la risée de tous. Moi aussi monstrueusement, je participais à cette primitive et invective hallali sur ces pauvres gosses. Nous savions tous que ceux là n’iraient plus bien longtemps à l’école. Certains profs même se moquaient ouvertement de ces pauvres gosses, certains nous disaient même que ces élèves n’allaient en classe que pour toucher les allocations. Rire et racisme mélangés nous acquiescions. Ils étaient les rebus, les tuberculeux en quarantaine de l’éducation nationale, les porteurs de la Burka du savoir. Ce n’était pas une classe de transition, mais une ligne directe à grande vitesse vers l’exclusion. Ou au mieux « Ils seront pour certains flics ou fonctionnaires et mangeront des poulets aux hormones » chantait Ferrat.
Les profs, les premiers avaient établi une inconsciente sélection dans les classes. Ils ne s’occupaient que des meilleurs. Les autres instinctivement se sentant repoussés du partage du savoir, se repliaient en ordre, un à un honteusement au fond de la classe. Un pacte tacite alors régissait ce fond de classe, l’ignorance mutuelle.Bien entendu mes parents se sentirent eux aussi obligés de participer à ma mise à mort scolaire. J’étais un « fainéant et un bon à rien ». Sobriquet qui ne quittera plus jamais leurs lèvres quand il s’agira de décrire le dernier rejeton de la famille. Parfois le mot chance et orgueil accompagnera leur vocabulaire

35 commentaires:

lyliane six a dit…

Tu as été vraiment traumatisé par l'école!,Pauvre de toi, ça ne devait pas être drôle de devoir se lever tous les matins pour aller en classe. Pour moi ça a été le meilleur moment de ma vie, pourtant pensionnaire, ne revenant que trois fois par an chez moi quand j'étais petite, une fois par mois plus grande à cause de mes colles pour indiscipline, je regrette ce temps là qui était celui de l'insouciance.

Pas a pas a dit…

bonjour lyliane
oui l'ecole au debut m'a fait soufrir, et pui doucement, tu liras la suite j'espere
patrick

vincent a dit…

ben! tu vois, patrick, moi comme tu le dis si bien je suis devenu flic ou fonctionnaire (ou plutôt gendarme) Même là je rentrais pas tout à fait dans le moule. j'ai terminé "jusqu'au bout" mais y a des trucs qui me plaisaient pas trop dans le métier.
Ceci dit, ma scolarité ça n'a pas été terrible du tout. Mais ce que je sais, c'est que "les premiers de la classe" ils ont fini presque tous dans la magasin de papa à vendre des casseroles ou du grain en vrac, ou des fruits et légumes.
Moi, j'ai une âme de poète, peut être, mais je suis parvenu à me faire une perception de la vie qu'ils n'ont pas.
Tous ces premiers de classe ou de promos se sont cassé le baigneur à bucher comme des fous pour être enfermés dans des carcans et n'osent pas en sortir de peur se faire remarquer....
Les pôôôôôvres!!!!
je parlais de premiers de promos. Bien sûr dans ma profession. Ils ont mis le doigt dans l'engrenage. Oh! bien sûr ils "sont montés dans la hiérarchie" mais ils ne peuvent plus exprimer leur opinion librement sinon sanction.
Décidément ma "cancritude" ne me déplait pas à présent.
Bon weekend

Anonyme a dit…

j ai un souvenir inoubliable de mes années d 'école en tunisie
et chaque fois que j y vais je rentre dans ma classe et dans cette
cour ou je jouais,
j etais une bonne élève, mais j adorai rire et faire rire les autres
bisous et bon week end

Thérèse a dit…

Promis je reviens pour lire... le temps me manque...

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Edit : Patrick, je tenais à te laisser ce message sur le blog de tes retrouvailles marocaines mais je n'y arrive pas, on me demande de m'inscrire sur blogger..; bref, ça m'éverve... J'en profite aussi pour te dire que j'ai très envie de reprendre la lecture de celui ci mais que la lecture sur écran n'est pas confortable et surtout mon pc ne s'embarque pas encore dans mon lit... Alors j'ose te le demander : quand vas tu être publié que je puisse dévorer tes pages de la même manière qu'un Gavalda ? c'est à dire enfournée sous ma couette et ma tête confortablement appuyée sur mon oreiller...
Mikano

Coucou Patrick,

Je ne connaissais pas ce blog, cette pépite, je suis contente de t'y retrouver, j'ai tout lu d'un trait alors que je rentre seulement de vacances et que mes valises à moi, moins émouvantes attendent d'être défaites... Que dire sinon qu'une fois de plus je suis touchée par tes mots, par tes souvenirs, ta générosité, ton histoire...
Merci de ces mots que tu nous offres...
Mikano

Pas a pas a dit…

bonjour mikano
quelle heurese surprise de te relire
et moi j'ai ete tres faineant sur ce blog
je passe du temps sur mon livre
si tout va bien a la fin du mois je tente de trouver un editeur
ensuite inch allah
bises
patrick
ps merci de tes tres aimables commentaires

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